My twin boys turned six years old yesterday. It was, of course, a roller coaster day, with emotions running the gamut from joy and happiness to sorrow and grief. Not wanting to focus only on the loss of the son who is no longer physically present, and also wanting to give Tate a full and normal birthday of his own, we decided we would make it a day of celebration. This special day turned out to be wonderful in many ways and very hard, too. But we knew it would be.
I've thought over the last many months about what it means to give something to someone who is no longer here to receive things. The stuff we often give people as tokens of our love, appreciation, and affection are most often purchased at a store. But what can you give someone who is not here to receive such things? You can only offer your heart and good works. Thus, one of our extended family members had the idea back in February that we should all read The Book of Mormon as a family by Jack's birthday as our spiritual gift to him (and, of course, to ourselves). It was hard work. We weren't always perfect at keeping up, but with a few timely marathon reading sessions behind us, we completed our task. My wife, our kids, and I finished reading it yesterday morning. It felt great to do that together. It wasn't easy, but few things worth doing are.Some of our family and friends also sent us cards and notes with special thoughts of Jack. They came to us marked "Do Not Open Until Oct. 16!" We obeyed.
The rest of the day was dedicated to celebrating Tate at the park and pumpkin patch. Kids are such a gift. Truly a gift beyond measure.
I don't really have anything brilliant to say today. This seems more like a journal entry than an insightful blog post. In fact, part of me thinks this may be my last post on this topic for a while. But as I was thinking of one last nice way to honor the memory of my son, I thought I would share with you the life sketch I wrote about him for his funeral. I think it captures the spirit of our great little man. How I love and miss him and look forward to our sweet reunion one day.
God bless you all for your love and concern. It means so very much to us.
_____
Jack Jeffrey Martin: A Life Sketch by His Father
Jack Martin was born October 16, 2009, at Utah Valley
Regional Medical Center in Provo, Utah. The youngest in his family of four
children, he came into this world just two minutes following his fraternal twin
brother, Tate. From the very beginning of his life he was always surrounded by those
who loved him; Dad’s niece, Nicki, was one of the delivery nurses at the
hospital when the twins arrived on earth, and that has always meant a great
deal to Jack’s parents.
Having arrived four weeks early, the twins couldn’t come
home right away. They spent two weeks together in the NICU at the hospital
getting their physical bodies in prime condition for life at home. At that time
there was a flu outbreak in the area and the twins’ older brother and sister
were not able to visit the hospital to meet them, so Mom and Dad shuttled back
and forth between home and work and the NICU until the boys were ready to go
home with them for good.
Twins grow and develop in tandem, and since there were two
of them progressing in the same direction, their parents compared them to one
another constantly. Jack was always going through new developmental stages a
few months later than Tate. This was nice because it meant that Mom and Dad
could always know what would be happening in the coming months with Jack based
on how Tate had acted previously and, if it was a particularly difficult phase,
that it wouldn’t last too long.
One phase that did last a long time, however—his whole life,
really—was Jack’s sweet personality, active physical nature, and enthusiasm for
living. He brought tremendous joy to his parents, siblings, grandparents,
cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, and neighbors. He loved his primary teachers
and learning about the gospel at church and home. He also enjoyed his preschool
teachers and riding the bus to school three times a week because it made him
feel like a big kid.
Jack was naturally curious about everything, and he was a
very hands-on learner. Of all the Martin children, Jack had the greatest sense
of restlessness and adventure. Dad often joked that he wanted to take only Jack
to Disneyland because he figured Jack would be his only child who would dare go
on all of the rides with him.
Jack could never sit still for any long duration of time
because he always wanted to be doing something different, even if the thing he
was doing at the moment was already fun. Some of his greatest memories probably
include: hiking and bowling with his family; bringing clean clothes to his
Mom’s bedside in the morning when he wanted her to get up to make him sausage
biscuits from the freezer for breakfast; visiting Dad’s office at BYU and
getting taffy out of his candy jar and playing with the WALL-E toy kept in his
drawer there; going ANYWHERE at all in Dad’s purple car because it was so much
more fun than the boring old van; going to the library and the park or playing
the Wii with his brothers and sister; swimming in Grandma Lyn and Grandpa
Keith’s hot tub; looking out the window of Grandma and Grandpa Madsen’s house
with their binoculars; riding the big red tricycles at Grandma and Grandpa
Martin’s house; playing in the sandbox at home; going for walks and bike rides
in the “jungle,” which is what his family calls the nearby pathway along the
creek near their home; riding on Uncle Wallace’s lap in his wheelchair; watching
The Pioneer Woman on TV with his family and then cooking gourmet meals on the toy
kitchen in his bedroom; visits from his cousins Tyler and Chloe and all the
other ones he didn’t get to see very often; fighting over who got to sit by
Grandpa Hodgkinson when he came over for dinner; and most of all just spending
time together with his family no matter what they may have been doing.
Even though Jack didn’t like to sit still for very long, he’d
often make an exception to watch movies with his family, his most favorite
being WALL-E. Like all kids, Jack
loved these animated adventures, probably because they took him to places he,
too, hoped to go someday. He eagerly looked forward to Friday nights when his
family would gather—often with fresh-popped popcorn—to watch a show together.
In fact, to best describe Jack’s personality you might
consider some of the movies he loved so much. He shared common personality
traits with many of their leading characters: Lighting McQueen’s need for
speed; WALL-E’s quiet love for his friend; Buzz Lightyear’s sense of adventure;
Woody’s loyalty; Elsa’s desire to chart her own course.
Some of these traits sometimes made Jack a handful to manage
for Mom and Dad, but they were a distinct part of what made him so special, and
his family loved every bit of him.
Recently, Jack had really started to look up to his brother,
Avery. He liked to torment Avery (and vice versa) but it was part of Jack’s way
of showing his love for his older brother (and vice versa). Jack liked the idea
of growing up, and Avery was the best person to follow. Jack had a lot of his
own toys, but he always wanted to play in his brother’s room (something Avery
didn’t always appreciate) and always wanted to sit by his brother at the dinner
table.
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| Outside Primary Children's Hospital following a visit to his specialist. |
In May 2012 Jack was diagnosed with a rare kidney disorder
called Nephrotic Syndrome. Fortunately, he received the very best care from the
staff at Primary Children’s Hospital, where he often went for checkups. Mom
always made sure he took his medicine and never once failed to care for his
needs. Through it all, Jack was very brave. He often had to go get his blood
drawn at the Provo hospital early in the morning before he could eat breakfast.
He never complained about doing this and always put on a brave face when they
poked his arm with the needle. He really liked the cool stickers the doctors
gave him when it was over.
Jack had lots of friends, and he loved to spend time with them.
Sometimes he would take off from home without telling Mom and Dad where he was
going. This, of course, caused a fair amount of worry, but he always turned up
at Quincy’s house. Or Brock and Chris’s house. Or Cohen’s house. Or Lincoln,
Lilly, or Jack Taggart’s house. Mom and Dad are very grateful for caring
neighbors who never turned him away and texted to let them know where he was or
watched over him until he was located.
Jack was not inhibited by social norms. Once he got to know
people, he felt very comfortable around them. Whenever he’d go with Mom or his siblings
to Ian or Peter’s house (and probably others) he’d often walk through the front
door, go straight to the kitchen, open the refrigerator, and declare he was
hungry.
Most kids have a long list of favorite things, but Jack
loved everything equally, except for his comfort object: shirts from his
drawer. He always carried a clean shirt with him through the house and wouldn’t
go to bed without a clean one to snuggle with. Mom and Dad sometimes tried to
get him to use the same shirt two nights in a row or pass one off from the
clothes hamper, but he would have none of that. He made sure they gave him a
clean comfort shirt every single night, and eventually Mom had a big stack of
them she washed and folded and put away in his drawers along with all the rest
of his clothing each week.
Jack loved Mom and Dad very much. In fact, he loved his Mom
so much that his very last thoughts on this earth were of her. Before he went
to sleep for the last time, he said to the doctors working on him, “Where’s my
mom?” He wasn’t nervous or scared or sad; he just wanted the assurance of
knowing the most important person in his life was close at hand as he made the
transition from this world to the next. “I’m right here,” she said, moving into
his line of sight. She remained by his side every step of the way before gently
sending him off to be received by his loving Heavenly Father and Savior, both
of whom were surely very happy to be able to see him again so soon.
